STARTING OVER

Much has happened, and I find myself starting over in my fitness journey once again. 

Thankfully I have a foundation of strength and conditioning that I can build on.  Nevertheless, I am standing at another starting line looking to the future of goals and discipline. 

My new theme is the mindset of a Warrior.  God spoke that to me in college that I was a warrior.  It always resonated with me. 

So I am taking down the theme of the road to the 2017 games.  Instead, I focus on daily discipline and the core of who I am.  I am putting before me a road to bettering myself holistically. 

I will gather my thoughts, once again, freshly, on here. 

Great words in this video.  GRIT.  Have to suffer for your vision.  Winners love to practice. 

 

HERE AND NOW

5/24 Training

Attempted 3 Rep Max on Split Jerk this AM. 

Everything felt heavy and I didn't feel explosive.  I didn't feel snappy.  I worked up slowly, just doing a rep or two at a time as I increased weight. 

I eventually tried 229lbs.  Did 2 reps, missed the 3rd barely. 

Even though it wasn't successful, I can tell I'm getting stronger.  I'm definitely doing more weight than I did a month ago!  I may try it again later and video. 


PM Workout..............

well missing that last rep pissed me off all day.  So I went back out to the shop and stuck it.  Getting stronger. 

Also worked on muscle up technique.  Especially focusing on the pull. 

Previous entries

"Ive visualized it all, and it's all happened" Conor McGregor

I have it already, and it's just a matter of time before reality catches up with me. 

Speak out loud with certainty.  And ignore the naysayers.  And especially ignore negative thoughts.  Even if my goal is bold and outrageous.  Who cares?!!!  Ignore the status quo.  Ignore the common status quo of your own negative unproductive previous patterns.  Start new.  Start with a new mindset as if you've always been this way.  This new way. 

5/17/16 Training

I pussed out in the AM and didn't get my ass up out of bed.  What a wuss!

For the warm up I did the strict ring dips.  I did break them up into 6's. 

The deadlift is still technique driven.  Pause at the bottom and no momentum to the next rep, with the mindset that each rep needs to look exactly the same.  But it is fun putting more and more weight on the bar.  I'm over the %s that it's asking for.  Now I just add 10lbs a week to the final set, and I try to challenge myself more and more throughout the sets.  So I'm not sandbagging until the final set. 

The metcon was hard for me.  Anything short in time is difficult for me and usually wipes me out after.  Because I know that a 5 to 6 minute workout there isn't much pacing.  It's basically all out.  And throw in a squat variation, which is a mental weakness of mine, that makes it that much more of a metcon that I NEED.  This is regionals programming and the weight requirement reflects that.  Men were assigned 135# and women 95#.  I know myself, and I know 135# is too hard.  I looked at the times and saw that the great athletes in the Misfit community were hitting around 6 minutes.  The top ladies were hitting 5 to 6 minutes.  So I opted to do the women's weight and see how things shook out.  It's nice to know I'm hanging with the top women!  Which in all seriousness isn't a small thing.  But knowing that now, I will most likely aim my weight at the women's right now, and then add just a little more and more as time goes on, eventually shaking out to the men's when I'm ready.  I did see someone post a time of 22 minutes RX for men.  Obviously that dude isn't getting out of the workout what was intended.  I know I got it, because it whooped my ass after. 

I took about 10 minutes or so to get somewhat recovered for the final gymnastics metcon.  My system was shot from the previous metcon and I was having trouble recovering, which I know is kinda the point!  Because of that mentally I wasn't that into it.  The thought of doing multiple sets of chest to bar kipping pullups didn't interest me, and didn't seem mentally possible!  But I started the workout, knowing I was supposed to sprint but more or less did a moderate run.  Did my first set of C2B pullups and felt like shit.  Did the second round even slower.  3rd round I walked the distance feeling sorry for myself.  Did the C2B's.  Then all of a sudden out of nowhere I felt great!  Told myself to quit being a pussy and I finished strong.  Ended up with almost 7 rounds.  I should have completed at least 8 rounds.  It's nice to know that even with me weighing 200lbs more or less that I can still throw down gymnastics work. 

I've really struggled with my eating.  I haven't had mental discipline there.  And I have less than 4 weeks before being on the beach!  I really want to strut on the beach and not feel self conscious.  I really want that.  And then I will have the body fat conquered for the training season.  My biggest issue has been at night.  After I was done with dinner.  Usually at that point I haven't eaten enough for the day and try to hold off but end up failing.  I realized that most athletes eat the same thing all the time during training.  And food is all about mental.  So I have come up with a basic food model that I believe will work for me.  It isn't 100% strict, but I'd say it's 90% strict in terms of what my nutrition coach would have me do.  But as I think about the 100% plan I just can't wrap my mind around it right now.  But I believe I can with this:

Breakfast:
2 eggs scrambled in bacon grease most likely
1 large piece of fruit
(approximately 3 not so perfect blocks)

Snack 1 at 10am:
1oz of deli meat
3 almonds
7 baby carrots
(1zone block)

Lunch at noon:
3oz meat
1 block green pepper
1-2 blocks fruit
9 almonds

Snack 2 at 2-3pm:
Snack is the same for all 3 times
1oz deli meat
3 almonds
7 baby carrots

Dinner:
Same as lunch or modest dinner if served something socially

Snack 3 at 8-9pm:
same as others.

DONE. 

I'm allowing myself to have coffee with cream and sweet and low throughout the day.  I'm also allowing myself to have a zero calorie monster drink whenever I see the need.  And of course the fruit at breakfast and lunch is also a cheat.  I will monitor my results for a week and then go from there.  But I strongly believe I can do this without falling off the wagon.  I really HAVE to do this. 

The clock is ticking. 



PM Session for the Day

May 12th Training

"You have to be so disciplined just to make it to the Games.  You have to give up a lot."  Dan Bailey

Here is my workout plan for this afternoon..............

1. Warm-up
50 Box Step Ups w/ 35/20lb Dumbbells
Steady pace, keep stepping even when your legs start to light up

I'm not dreading this one.  I know it will burn.  I just need to keep pushing past the pain.  I need to not allow the pain to be a reason to stop.  Pain and burn doesn't mean the body is done.  The mind may want to be done, but the body can keep going.  This kind of thing makes the mind strong.

2. Strength
Split Jerk 5×3 – Perfect reps only
Triples can be successfully done between 60 and 90%. Cleaning up movement should not exceed 70%. If the movement feels good make your way towards 90%

I'm looking forward to this.  Last week I built up pretty far for me, with the primary focus being starting and catching in the front rack shoulder position.  I have very tight shoulders, so that front rack exploding up and especially receiving the bar is hard.  I'm trying to gain more and more flexibility here.  I want to get to the point where my entire palm of my hand is gripping the bar and not just my fingers.  Last time I built up to 201# with the push jerk.  To me the reps don't matter.  I am growing so much right now that whether I did 3 reps or 2 I will surpass that number.  I have to keep climbing.  Besides 201# felt light last time.  IT IS LIGHT!! (faith)

3. Gymnastics Test
80 Kipping HSPU for time
After each break complete 40 Double Unders
Both movements can burn out the shoulders, but being efficient with both movements should help limit how quickly they fatigue. Do not go for broke in the first couple rounds.

I'm going to be honest, with my extra body fat I'm dreading HSPU.  I feel good about the DU's, but HSPU's, even kipping, aren't efficient for me yet.  And they may not be until I lose the weight.  But the weight loss is going well.  I am shedding it off.  And with less than 5 weeks till Florida and with really hitting it focused this week, I'm already seeing a difference.  I really think with this workout, I'll be doing a shit ton of DU's.  Dang it!!!  I will practice HSPU's before the workout and see if I can make skill progress. 

4. Endurance Row/Fat Burning Row

Row 5k - moderate pace; Tabata Row - score is calories

I have my new concept 2.  I freaking love it!  I saw where Mikko Salo would do a 5k row and tabata row every day as part of his regimen.  I like the thought of doing a 5k row right now, because the extra calories burned at a moderate pace will help me that much more shed unwanted bodyfat.  I may eventually stop doing it.  And the Tabata Row will help build my engine.  I desperately need this!  Push the pain threshold back, and push the VO2 Max back!

5. YogaUpper body yoga; Lower body yoga

This goes without saying.  My flexibility sucks.  My body needs it to even be healthy.  Not fit, but healthy at this point.  I'm one sneeze away from pulling a muscle in my back. 

This also helps my night time routine be more focused on training and not staying up late and binge eating. 

He does everything with a purpose, and believes there is a right way to do something.  Everything deserves thought.  Everything needs to line up with the vision of a singular purpose in order to be successful and meet that goal.  If something comes up that doesn't fit the vision, then it's not important.  Period. 

He also has the same breakfast every morning.  Bacon first, then veggies in the pan with the grease, then eggs on top scrambled together. 

May 11, 2016 Training Day and Navy Seal Jocko Willink

So my plan was I would get up at 4:45 am and row for a 5k at a moderate pace, and then do tabata row.  But my little 2 year old baby girl decided she wanted to crawl in bed with daddy.  My wife got up for a 5am class, so I was the only one available to cuddle with this little one.  Needless to say, got skipped.  Which I'm a little bummed about. 

When my buddy Greg came over, this is the workout we decided to do:  Also it's the first workout using my new Concept 2.

The intention was to do the first 500 meter row at about 90% intensity.  My time was a little slow for the first one.  We did rush the warm up and my legs were really lactic acidy.  Then my goal was to maintain that pace as best as I could.  It ended up being a small battle to stay under 1:50.  I found out after all of this that is attainable fairly easily.  1:45 would have been hell.  Even 1:47 would have been hard.  I think I could have somehow managed 1:47.  Needs to be the new focal point for stuff like this.  ok...time to claim...

CONFIDENCE: aim for 1:47 500 meter row splits on interval training. 

Man 6 rounds of that was an ass kicker.  And that's where having a workout partner really helps.  Because after a few rounds it would have been tempting to just say DONE.  But what 6 rounds teaches is that I can maintain that pace.  And I could have done it a 7th round, and an 8th round, and a 9th round etc.  I can keep going.  It's all mental.  That's all it is.  Mental workout along with physical. 

Listening to this podcast.  Talk about two men who are the best of the best in their fields.  One of them is one of the most feared Navy Seals, Jocko Willink.

Jocks says this in this article http://www.businessinsider.com/why-this-retired-navy-seal-has-three-alarm-clocks-2015-10 "Discipline starts every day when the first alarm clock goes off in the morning, he writes.  "I say 'first alarm clock' because I have three, as I was taught by one of the most feared and respected instructors in SEAL training: one electric, one battery powered, one windup.  That way, there is no excuse for not getting out of bed, especially with all that rests on that decisive moment."

also.....

"The moment the alarm goes off is the first test; it sets the tone for the rest of the day.  The test is not a complex one: when the alsrm goes off, do you get up out of bed, or do you lie there in comfort and fall back to sleep?  If you have the discipline to get out of bed, you win -- you pass the test.  If you are mentally weak for that moment and you let that weakness keep you in bed, you fail.  Though it seems small, that weakness translates to more significant decisions.  But if you exercise discipline, that too translates to more substantial elements of your life......"

"Waking up early was the first example I noticed in the SEAL Teams in which discipline was really the difference between being good and being exceptional."

"....they never broke this habit."

"The temptation to take the easy road is always there.  It is as easy as staying in bed in the morning and sleeping in."  Willink writes. "But discipline is paramount to ultimate success and victory for any leader and any team."

Quotes taken from http://www.businessinsider.com/why-this-retired-navy-seal-has-three-alarm-clocks-2015-10

This is a bad man. 

He has had the singular focus all his life that he was born to do one thing: and that is be a commando for our country.  He had that OBSESSION, that I talk about, that drives a person into the extraordinary. 

All I can say about this video is, "wow".  What an inspiration.  What drive and what purpose.  What singular focus in spite the odds. 

May 10th Training Log

I slept in this morning.  I'm such a slacker, I should kick my own ass!!!

I weighed 198lbs.  1 pound lost from yesterday.  I ate very strict.  I did break down and have a larger bedtime snack than normal.  But I did stop myself before I wrecked the whole day.  I'm still a work in progress.  But blogging helps.  Keeps me accountable and me speaking in faith, or "writing in faith" remaining positive and motivated. 

Yesterday's workout was a real killer.  I don't know how some people can get it done in around 14 minutes.  My time was well over 20.  It just shows that I have a long way to go with longer metcons with moderate weight.  That shit kills me. 

It's funny because every workout challenges the frik out of me with Regionals programming.  It's all very very heavy!  HAHA or the gymnastics are unreasonably LOOOONNG.  Whatever happened to the normal every day Crossfit WOD's, huh?  I mean where's the easy shit gone? 

It will be fun, and I'm sure very enjoyable, to one day return to a Crossfit gym and put a whoopin on the class.  Dominate. 

But for now, I will sharpen my blade with a very rough grinding wheel. 

Listen to what Dave Castro says about visualization starting at 2:20.  Amazing.  Paraphrasing part of it, Dave says he has limited actual practice reps, but unlimited amount of mental visualization to get ready for the real thing. 

LOOK What just came in..............

I'm so excited.........

I'm hugging the box.  I can't wait to feel PAIN.........LET THE PAIN CAVE BEGIN!!!

This just completed my home gym.  I have been just running a ton and subbing out the rowing for wall balls, burpees, thrusters, and more running.  It gets stale.  Plus I wasn't getting out of the workout what it was designed.  I can't replace 20 calorie rows.  Just can't.  So ya.........this is an investment that I am happy to pay for!!!

Matt Fraser talking about training, motivation, and mental strength. 

Video of more stuff Mat thinks about.  This is a sponsor video, but I still like knowing what is in this champion's mind.  Why can't I push to the point I have sponsors?  What is holding me back?  Myself.  Myself only.  OBSESSION.....................OBSESSION...................OBSESSION..............it must be. 

M/T/W/F schedule
4:45am Misfit Warm up
5:00am row for 30 minutes
5:30am coach Chaska...when I'm not training Chaska do recovery and skill fun
6:45am Misfit Training...strength and metcon #1
Evening Misfit metcon #2
Before bed do Yoga session on specific body part

Saturday
AM and PM workouts

Thursday rest day........full hour yoga session.  Go for a walk. 
Sunday rest day.........family day, do nothing with training. 

Nutrition....no compromises....ZONE every day every meal.  No bullshit
Shake and Gatorade after every workout session
Cassein protein before bed. 
Vitamins every morning. 

This schedule takes OBSESSION............I can do this......

Mikko Salo said after winning the Crossfit Games back in 2009....... "I dreamed of it.  Not wanted.  I dreamed of it."

Faith Imaging. 

If you want to be the champ, you have to train focusing on beating the champ.  YOu have to envision how they train, how hard they push.  The speed they go.  The strength they pull. 

Once you are the champ, there is a knowledge everyone else is looking to you to beat you. 

Either way, there is a mindset of what you have to do to be the best. 

Who am I focused on right now?  Josh Wheeler.  He's a friend and local competitor.  He was 1% in the world last year.  My eye is on him.  Before each workout I envision what he will do.  I pretend he is by my side.  I work to beat him. 

It was asked of Mikko's coach why he is such a great athlete.  His coach said Mikko has a STONE HEAD........very tough mentally. 

Mikko, at that time, rowed in the morning a 5k row, then tabata row.  That was his morning routine.

Me, Greg who is a retired Chief Master Sergeant in AF, and my Step Dad Frank just teamed up on "Filthy 50"
 

Training Day 5/9/16

Morning's workout.  Hard warm up and DL's.  The concept of the DL's is to focus on form, and to pause at the bottom.  No bouncing or momentum.  In the midst of this session I also coached my friend, Greg. 

I am 5 weeks out from going to Pensecola, FLA for business.  So naturally I'm wanting to look firkin ripped for the beach.  Time to really focus on slimming down.  I don't like the thought of sacrificing a little strength gains for a month.  But I do like the thought of not carrying the extra bodyfat.  No reason for it.  Time to shed it. 

 

I have my meal packed for the day.  I'm going for 3 blocks a meal and 1 block snacks.  As strict as practically possible. 

 

I was mentally hung up on thinking I need to do week one of the nutrition challenge that I did previously.  Week one sucks in terms of food options.  But it's designed to really rev up my metabolism.  But here's the thing.......why do I think I have a slow metabolism????  If I have excess body fat then I am eating more than I am burning, but it doesn't mean I have a slow metabolism.  I have a lot of muscle and I can handle hard intense metcons.  I'm putting on muscle and getting stronger.  My metabolism is fine.  So I'm not going to be as hard on myself as all of that. 

 

I am having protein shakes right after workouts and Gatorade (liquid carbs).  I am having fruit as part of my meal blocks.  I am not necessarily limiting my fruit intake, since I enjoy it.  But I'm also splicing it with a block of really healthy carbs.  Black coffee and no sugar.  I'm going to do my best to stay away from artificial sugars or breads and other processed carbs.  I still want the foundation of my diet to be as the Crossfit definition of meats, veggies, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch, and no sugar.   I will try to stay within this realm as much as I can.  And with the zone blocks of 3/1/3/1/3/1.  Major calorie deficit for someone that works out twice a day.  But it's time to make major cuts DAILY.  I'm 199 lbs, and I really want to get under 10% bf, which will most likely put me around 180 lbs give or take.  Regardless....I want abs!  I have 5 weeks.  No more fucking around.  



 

Mat Fraser all cut up ready for Regionals in a couple weeks

Man I admire this guy!  He's cut up and still busting it in training.  He does periodization in his workouts. 

 



I'm trying to improve my flexibility on a daily basis.  About every hour at work I'm stopping and going into the meeting room.  I have a stretching cycle I am messing around with.  I watched a video about slight bouncing in a stretch.  So I'm trying it.  I enjoy it more than just static holds.  I don't know.  We will see how it goes. 

"Rich is the hardest worker I've ever seen in my life.  And I've seen a lot of athletes.  I've never seen someone who CRAVES working hard and CRAVES the pain of training.  And when I see him tired and fatigued and think he's done for the day, I turn around and he's onto something else."  Head strength coach for Tennessee Tech. 

It's 1:16pm at this point in the day.  Man I'm getting hungry.  I worked out this morning with a moderate to hard warm up, then dead lifts after that.  I ate a protein shake and a banana, and I guess I forgot to eat almonds for fat.  Oops.  3 hours later, which is really around lunch normally, I had 1 ounce of deli ham, 1 medium apple, and 3 almonds.  that was 2 hours and now 18 minutes ago.  I'm hungry!  I'm eating 3 hours apart.  And really it's 6 hours from large meal to large meal.  I'm excited for my lunch!

1:53 oh boy I get to eat soon in 7 minutes!  HAHA I need to get my mind off of food and back to focusing on being one of the fittest in the world because of this.  That each meal is a tool to get me there.  The hunger I am feeling is a tool that is leaning me out and making me more strong.  The leaner I get, the more I can use my muscles to manipulate my body. 



Vids

 

 

How Bad do I want it?

 

This is an expression of what is in my heart.  What is driving me. 

 

I was getting to the point where this journal became about how many views I would get per article.  It's time to get back to what the point is, what the purpose is.

 

This is the motivational expression of me.  No more sharing.  It becomes about something else. 

 

What it's supposed to be about is putting into words the faith that is inside me of a singular goal of becoming the top 1% of the world's Crossfit Athletes by the Open season of 2017.  I lost track of that.  I lost the sight of it. 

 

It's time to gain the sight back.  It's time to refocus.  It's time to believe as strongly as I did a month ago. 

 

It's ok to get distracted.  Just don't stay distracted.  Get up and keep fighting.  Get up and remind yourself.  You have to constantly remind yourself of what your goals are. 

 

If I struggle writing in this journal on a daily basis.  if I struggle finding content to write about, that means it's going dry in my mind and heart.  That means I'm not searching and seeking any more.  Because if my heart is full, then it pours out. 

 

It only takes about 5 years of incredible focus to be the best.  The best of the best.  Stay focused.  Be obsessed. 



My First Mental Gutter and My Plan to Overcome

It's been a good month of training, and I've been high mentally and physically.  I'm already in better shape than I was, and I'm excelling going above my limits with each passing workout. 

Take yesterday as an example.  I did 6x2 of snatch.  Last time I did 5x3 and I built up to 157#.  Well this time I was around 170#.  So I know I'm getting stronger. 

I decided to put on the bar 190#, which would have been a PR by 5#.  But I was too freaking intimidated.  I was getting the bar up, but I knew where my mind was at, and I knew I wasn't going to hit the lift even before I started.  I attempted around 5 times.  Each time was defeating. 

Last week I struggled staying focused.  I began to dread workouts.  I began to doubt whether or not I can push like others can.  And I missed a few sessions. 

I'd say over the course of the week I grew as an athlete, but I didn't attack each and every day.  I didn't grow daily. 

Even this morning.  I walked out to the shop with a little dread.  I wasn't excited.  I wasn't ramped up.  I began the workout immediately thinking how much it sucks.  The workout was 4 rounds for time of 7 power cleans of 185#, 14 bar facing burpees, and 21 wall balls.  My time was 20:10.  I know I sand bagged it.  I pushed hard the final round, but I sand bagged the other 3, let's be honest.  Most of the other athletes on Misfit had times around 10 minutes. 

Now I may not have gotten all the way to 10 just yet, but it should have been faster.  Time to refresh myself mentally. 

____________________________________________________________

I am reminded about what my friend, Josh Wheeler, said to me.  We are only as strong as we are mentally.  And we are only as strong mentally as we are spiritually.  My spirit connecting and staying connected with the Holy Spirit.  The Spirit of Jesus.  That is the key.  "All things are possible with Christ."

The health of my soul.  The nutrition of my soul.  This is the basis and foundation to everything that is good and strong in my life.  I must take this piece seriously.  Have I put as much thought into my spiritual health as I have my physical and mental training? 

Thoughts and Run-Ons

Most of the time as I sit here at work, I'll start thinking about Crossfit, and I get so amped up.  I just want to go home and hit it!  I'll get up and start pacing down the halls, feeling all this energy.  My only hope is I feel this amped come tonight as I attack two metcons. 

....watching this doesn't help. 

Dang it...it feels good getting stronger.  And as I make progressive gains on a daily basis, and compare my work from last week, I know I'm getting better.  I look at these elite athletes and I realize that they are so good because they've been consistently hitting it hard for several years in a row.  If you look at all of these athlete's videos from years past, like Rich in 2011, he's significantly larger than he was then.  It just shows that hard consistent work does pay off.  And I can't wait to see where I'll be 1 year from now!  And I'm only 3 and a half weeks into consistent training!!  48.5 more weeks to go!

CONFIDENCE: I was trying 225lbs squat clean doubles.  I couldn't get the double part to it, really due to mental block.  But 225 SAILED UP really easy.  That number has always been a mental barrier for me.  Hitting that once was always something I was proud of, and sometimes I would miss.  Now I know it's a staple.  And sure, I have more work, but I've taken a step of leaving 225 for good. 

CONFIDENCE: doubles on split jerk with good proper form went to 195#.  Better than last week. 

Decisions Champions Make....

Katrin Davidsdottir, the 2015 Crossfit Games women's champion, said that success is a mindset.  The difference between being a Games competitor and the Games champion is mindset.  Her coach, Ben Bergeron, gave her the same pep talk before each event, so that she went into the arena confident.  In watching Part 5 of the Behind the Scenes docs of the Crossfit Games, some of the athletes entering into the last day were wanting it to be over with.  They had already settled on a different place other than winning.  They were coasting.  They had already compromised.  A Champion sees each moment as an opportunity to be even better or to obtain the prize. 

I have a champion mindset.  And why not?  Why not just say that?  Put that out there?  "Success is all I envision." Conor McGregor says. 

I look at each item on the daily training regimen as an opportunity.  It is an opportunity to grow.  Each meal I consume is an opportunity. 

This is what usually happens for me........I write the daily regimen of what I am supposed to accomplish that day up on the white board at my home gym.  Usually there is a hard warm up attacking a weakness, strength, metcon, and gymnastics metcon.  That's the cycle I am in with Misfit Athletics.  Most of the time the work is daunting to me at first.  I begin to set up the weights, and sometimes as I do I feel dread.  I feel tired.  I don't want the pain.  I pace back and forth and put off starting the clock for me to begin.  BUT THEN SOMETHING CHANGES.  I am reminded of the quotes I have up on my white board......... "I am one of the fittest in the world."  and "I am the fittest in my city."  I say these things out loud.  I make sure I hear them.  Immediately my faith grows.  Immediately I look at the work ahead of me with eagerness.  I think to myself how the best in the world would view this workout, and how they would ATTACK it!  They would own it.  The metcon would be their bitch in the end. 


Then a thought runs through my mind...... "I have an opportunity here.  If I make the most of this moment, I will be fitter after.  There is opportunity here." 

When I looked at the power cleans the other day, I thought to myself, "there is opportunity to be that much closer to my goals after this workout."  And what happened?  I did 225lbs X 3.  I've never done that before.  That was added to my CONFIDENCE page.  Over the weekend I did a workout that was 7 rounds for time of: 7 thrusters at 100# and 7 burpees jumping to a 6 inch mark.  Before that workout I dreaded thrusters.  But I attacked it, because it was an opportunity to grow in that moment.  I am fitter now. 

Champions grow daily.  I used to think that I wanted to look back on the previous week and be better.  As it turns out my weeks were hit or miss for me.  Sometimes I would be consistent and other times I wouldn't.  I didn't have a champion mindset then.  Now, I look at EACH DAY to become better.  Those who are watching this process are noticing me grow by leaps and bounds.  There are opportunities everywhere. 

Jason Khalipa said during an interview during his last year as a competitive individual athlete that he is PRing all the time.  Almost daily. 

I should not let my guard down for anything.  Even in the midst of my routine, and attacking my routine that I do have set aside for growth, don't just settle for that.  What about the other times throughout the day?  What about at night?  What about when I first wake up?  What about during work?  Is there something I can be doing, that I should be doing, to make me even better? 

Ben Bergeron makes his athletes do active recovery for 50% of whatever time they spent that day training.  So if they trained for 5 hours, then they spent 2.5 hours doing recovery drills. 

If I train for   2 hours a day, then I need to do recovery for 1 hour a day.  Basically, a long yoga session at night would do the trick. 

The obsession that champions have and the commitment and determination that is in them drives them.  They look at weaknesses and the places that are hindering them or weak points.  Instead of letting them be a crutch, or an excuse, they attack them until they are no longer weaknesses but strengths. 

Right now I have two main weaknesses: 1.  excess body fat 2.  flexibility.  I am on the high end of body fat from where I prefer to be.  I prefer to be at 8% or lower.  I am already pretty strong in gymnastic movements.  So having the excess poundage off my body will enable me to excel at them.  when it comes to flexibility, There are two movements where I know me being tight hinders me, and I dread when these movements come up in programming.  They are GHD situps and the shoulder rack with a barbell.  In GHD situps by the time I get to set 2-3, then each movement causes quite a bit of pain in my hips and hamstrings.  It is almost unbearable, and I know it is due to inflexibility.  Otherwise, I believe I would fly through GHD's. 

Now I am being honest right now.........I have not come to that mental conclusion until now about those two weaknesses.  I mean, sure, I have thought about them, especially the excess body fat part.  And I am doing something about THAT........in fact here in 18 minutes I'll be eating 3oz chicken breast, 2 large peppers raw, 7 baby carrots, and 9 almonds.  But I haven't put on paper and actually studied what inflexibility is doing to me.  How much it is hindering me

Nutrition ON POINT...

........I am processing right now............I am meditating on this right now..............I am visualizing me putting in the work on a daily basis............I am really taking seriously how Ben Bergeron makes his athletes recover in 1:2 ratio........how that ratio for me means simply doing a yoga video at night..........how this would also help me build a night time routine to make me better and hit my goals................

...........yep................consider that weakness now in my cross hairs. 

Nutrition To Be My Best

 

When I want to be my best, I have to be precise
 

First of all I am no nutrition expert.  I do have my Crossfit Level 1 Certification, so proper nutrition is covered.  But I certainly do not have a degree on the subject.  But I do know what works for me. 

 

Right now as I sit at my desk, it is 10:30 am, and I am having 7 baby carrots raw, 3 almonds, and 1 oz of grilled chicken.  When I am serious my diet becomes very regimented.  When I am focused, my whole life becomes on point.  Food is on point.  Food creates the most change. 

 

It doesn't matter how hard you train, how many times you train, what intensity you train.  If your commitment does not stretch to what you put into your body, then you aren't making near the gains you should.  And chances are you are still storing fat, still losing your breath and unable to sustain metabolic workouts, you aren't sleeping well, and you aren't recovering at the speed you should. 

 

What I eat is the true sign of if I am truly committed or not.  Everything else is half ass. 

 

On Top of which, I am less confident when I am carrying extra weight.  I don't like the way I look.  I don't like the way I move.  I don't like that gymnastics movements are a freaking struggle.  That I'm high fiving myself when I get a freaking muscle up carrying extra weight.  When in reality I should be streaming 10 together with ease.  I don't like it!  I don't like chubby cheeks. 

 

I DON'T LIKE NOT HAVING SELF CONTROL OVER MYSELF.  I don't want anything to be master over me, except Jesus.  I serve God, and I serve my family.  I do not serve food.  And when I am sitting on the couch late at night, and that craving hits, and I make the walk of shame to the fridge, I am so mad at myself, and I am allowing food cravings to have control over me.  I HATE THAT. 

 

Travis Williams, an elite Crossfit Games athlete, describes in his documentary, "No Excuses, No Missed Days." that he no longer drinks and no longer does cheat meals.  He knows with one cheat meal he will gain around 5lbs by the next day.  So he doesn't fuck with those.  He eats the same things every day.  His nutrition is routine.  He has found what works for him, and it works.  Nutrition is part of the process. 

 

Now one could argue that there is no enjoyment in eating like that.  And there certainly isn't any enjoyment in eating like the pic I have in this article.  They are right and wrong.  They're right in the sense that there isn't enjoyment of sitting down to a plate of food that is 1200 calories, and the 'fun' that goes into eating those kinds of comfort foods.  But there is enjoyment in knowing that after the meal I just had sitting at my desk ,the calculated snack, I'm skinnier now.  I just allowed my body to be in fat burning mode for the next 3 hours until I eat again.  I'm fitter now. 

 

Food is a tool.  And the thing is, when food is used to aid in my goals, I take much larger longer steps toward my goal.  Every day becomes a day of progress.  I become fitter DAILY when food is on point. 

 

 

I know I am obsessed, committed, driven, determined....when I am willing to consume the amount of veggies I do every single meal.  It is hard work to be stuffed and no longer want to eat, to be gagging a little at the thought of eating what's left of the broccoli on my plate, and to count out how many bites I have as reps.  But my mindset is that this plate of food sitting in front of me is a tool, it is a workout, it is just as much a part of the process as killing it in a metcon.  If you remove the intensity of the metcon, or if you remove the intensity of nutrition, the results change. 

 

If I want to be in the top 1% of all Open athletes in 2017, then everything I do matters.  If I am obsessed to the point that I view every meal matters, and every lift matters, and every nights rest matters, and doing yoga matters.........then I will surpass my goal.  And I bet I even scare the hell out of qualifying for Regionals this next year.  I bet you I scare the hell out of it.  THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES. 

 

It's an obsession.  It takes focus.  It takes drive.  It takes even stubbornness.  If I want to be the BEST.  And if you think that the best in the world aren't these things, you're wrong. 

 

So the question becomes, how do I eat?

 

To understand what I eat, you first must understand why.  What are my goals?  My goals are to lean out, to have my body fat percentage around 8%, then to maintain around 8%-10% for the rest of the year's training.  My goal is to maintain the muscle I do have while I am cutting weight.  Then once the level of body fat % has been obtained, to put on lean muscle for the rest of the year, giving my body enough energy and nutrients to recover training with intensity for 2-3 sessions a day. 

 

So how?

 

I follow the Zone protocol of "blocks".  Each meal  consists of a perfect balance of the macronutrients of protein, carbs, and fat. 

 

Right now as I cut, I am eating three 3block meals, and three 1block snacks.  I am also eating precisely three hours apart. 

 

For my protein I am choosing the leanest meats I can find.  Mainly chicken or turkey or white fish.  For my fat's I am getting from nuts and seeds and olives.  And my carbs are almost 100% vegetables, and I am picking the veggies that have the MOST VOLUME I can stomach.  EX...... 1 block of broccoli is 2 cups.  1 block of potato is 1/4 cup.  Which has the most volume per block?  Obviously the 2 cups of broccoli.  Trust me, it is easy to eat one sweet potato compared to 6 cups of broccoli!  You have to be committed and obsessed to want to even try!  However, when the carb selection has the most volume like that, and no sugar, you are ramping up your metabolism faster than when you were a hormonal teenager!

 

Then when the fat is off, I will increase the snacks slowly, taking one week at a time and seeing how I feel, seeing how my body adjusts. 

 

Thankfully, I have a real nutrition expert in my corner.  I hired her last year for a period of time.  She took me to 7.8% body fat.  Lean and mean. 

 

 

 



 

 

Should You Take Something On When You're Not 100% Ready?

Confidence is everything.  Motivation is everything.  MOMENTUM is KEY.

The momentum that comes with consistency in anything positive is how life changes are made.  Real honest to God life changes.  MOMENTUM is where something in my life goes from a fad to something permanent. 

How many times have we all started a diet and quit.  Started a diet and quit.  Started a new training regimen and quit.  Monday is the notorious beginning to anything big.  And Tuesday is the day for failures.  Why does this happen?  It is because there wasn't enough MOMENTUM to push them forward. 

Momentum is the key.  Build up momentum at all cost.  And protect momentum at all cost.  Look at the quote I have under my blog title....

"I am like a snowball rolling down hill.  I am building steam and getting bigger and faster.  If I can gain enough mass of snow and enough speed, then my momentum will turn into an avalanche.  Nothing can stop me then."

Nothing can stop me with enough momentum.  This is a driving force.  This says that based on what I do on a daily basis, based on the pattern of thoughts, based on the pattern of habits, I can look into the future and know what it looks like.  This is momentum.

I can also have negative momentum.  I really need to start going to bed early.  This would benefit me in a number of major ways:
1. I would recover faster for the next day
2.  Enough sleep is an automatic testosterone booster
3.  I wouldn't binge eat late at night, or be tempted to do so, because I'm asleep when those cravings come.
But right now I have the habit of staying up late.  As soon as the kids get put down, my wife usually goes to our room and chills.  Then I usually grab my favorite pillow and crash my butt on the couch, watch Family Guy, and play online WSOP.  I make a few $100k of fake money and I fall asleep. 

Now I know the benefits of what changing my night time routine would bring me.  Unfortunately, the habit I just explained has created enough negative momentum in my life, that it is hard to break.  But it needs to be broken. 

So what am I doing about it?  I have set a futuristic date to prepare for the MOMENTUM CHANGE.  Haha coincidently it's this Monday!!!!

I think the difference of being successful for this paradigm shift of my night time routine and not being successful has to do with PREPARATION.  And this is where meditation, prayer, and visualization come into play. 

If I do nothing with the next few days leading up to this Monday, not even think about it, give it no real thought, then sure I will be a failure at this goal come Tuesday.  So I have an obligation to myself that by taking this goal seriously, and emotionally and mentally prepare, then I may have enough to stop the avalanche that is this negative habit that is ultimately hindering and interfering with my 2017 goals. 

Getting to the question that came with this title..........Should you take something on when you're not 100% ready for it?  The answer is NO.  Not if you haven't prepared for it.  Not if you haven't visualized yourself succeeding.  And spent enough time meditating and thinking about you being successful in order to have a strong enough start. 

Think back to a time when you set out on a goal and finished.  I guarantee the times you were successful, you were excited about beginning.  You were talking about it with anyone who would listen.  You knew even a week before starting that this time WOULD BE DIFFERENT.  You just knew.  And so when the time came to begin....when that particular Monday rolled around, Tuesday came and went and you pushed on to the end.  WHY?  Because you did the correct visualization beforehand, causing you to be confident and prepared.  Negative thoughts were not present. 

PLEASE GET THIS: the more successful you are, the more momentum you have to take on any changes at any time, knowing full well that you will achieve what you started. 

Being successful is momentum.

When a football team has a win streak that goes back 3 straight seasons, don't you think the opposing team is freaking intimidated to play them?!  And what do you think the mentality is for that football team when they enter the field?  How confident do you think the coaching staff is in calling plays?  How about when they make a gutsy play, or the kicker lines up for a 46 yard game winning attempt?  They know they will win due to MOMENTUM. 

The same can be for a losing streak.  It's hard to win with a losing streak.  And the analysts after usually point that their own minds got in the way. 

Taking something on when a person has been losing when they aren't ready for it, when they haven't done the correct preparation in their minds and in their emotions will only add to the negative pattern. 

And the shift of someone turning themselves from a loser into a winner, there is that time frame where they are still vulnerable.  They have been winning.  They have been gaining success.  They have been walking out their new self image, attacking everything that comes their way with a winning attitude, knowing nothing will stop them.  There may have been a set back or two, but they have bounced back.  MOMENTUM is growing.  That snowball has turned into a ball that is now 4 ft tall.  It's gaining speed.  It's gaining mass.  It needs to remain that way.  And taking something on without the preparation needed, especially if it is a lofty goal in the midst of the greater goals at hand, could be damaging.  Momentum is precious and must be protected. 

Momentum must be protected.  Especially when it is driving toward something valuable.  Something meaningful.  Something defining. 

Now should we avoid taking on bigger goals?  Should we risk it?  Or should we feel like we aren't capable?  We should absolutely risk it.  It needs to be done.  Because when that larger thing that once intimidated you is accomplished and you stand triumphant over it, that victory just transformed your 4 ft snowball into a cliffhanger about to cause some serious destruction to the landscape of that mountain!

But take it seriously.  Know that the changes happening in your mind and heart are so valuable, they are so precious, and they must be protected.  Do the prep.  Pray and believe in faith.  Speak faith.  Sit down and visualize yourself.  Faith image yourself.  Practice.  Pretend.  Gain the experience, even if it is just between you and Jesus.  Then when that particular Monday rolls around, hit it with all you've got!



Yesterday's training.  CONFIDENCE: on #3 I pushed so hard I literally had chills after.  I can do this with all my metcons.  I have what it takes to hurt that bad.  To go to that dark place and keep moving. 

I Look Into the Eyes of My Competition

This is a simple exercise for me.  I love to watch videos like these.  I always have.  However, as I watch them now I am visualizing these athletes as my competition.  I am visualizing myself equally as strong if not stronger than they are.  Fitter than they are.  I am looking at them with competitive eyes, NOT as untouchable celebrity athletes. 

I watch this, and I pay attention to my thoughts.  If my thoughts turn to idolization or feeling inferior, I seize it, take control of it, and replace it with confidence and motivation.  I see the end goal as if it is NOW. 

I used to think that Noah Olsen was just cocky and arrogant.  Now I understand him.  He, as a rookie, thought he could beat the best of the best.  And as it turned out, he was among them.  Now he is potentially a frontrunner to be the very best in the world for 2016.  He won the OPEN after all. 

I love what Noah says here... "I used to get rocked all the time by [certain elite competitors], they would crush me with anything that had any weight in it....and in the beginning just constantly getting my ass kicked made me think, someday, I'm gonna be as good as these guys.  Someday I'm gonna compete with them.  And Someday I'm gonna be better than them.....and that helped me to keep pushing and pushing...."

 

 

 

Overcoming Mental Barriers and Discouraging Thoughts

Sara Sigmundsdotter was asked what drives her in her training, since most of the time she trains by herself.  She said, "I just think about what would Annie do?  What would Katrin do? (both of these women are the fittest in the world).  So I just PRETEND that they're next to me." 

Visualization.  Faith Imaging. 

When Sara PRETENDS to workout with these women, who are literally the best in the world, she doesn't pretend she gets beat.  Instead, she focuses on how the best in the world do in the WOD, and Sara tries to outperform them.  She sees in her mind that she is as good if not better than them.  In fact, I would argue and venture to guess, since I cannot peak into Sara's mind, that she PRETENDS she is better than the best in the world.  Because at the time of this interview, which was in the middle of the 2015 Crossfit Games, she was sitting in 1st place and was ahead by over 40 points. 

__________________________________________________________

I must keep my thoughts captive.  I must be deliberate in my thoughts, in my attitude, and the way I think about myself.  Otherwise, they become like runaway trains, turning into something that could very well be destructive and derail my progress. 

Ecclesiastes 7:9 says, "Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit."

Staying motivated has to become a habit.  It has to turn into my default.  But for our minds to be iron clad and indefensible against negative destructive thoughts, it must first be intentional and work, where I am always checking my emotions, ensuring they are where they need to be.  And when a negative thought enters my mind, or a negative emotion, or a negative self image, I must GRAB it and TAKE HOLD of it.  I must CONTROL it, so that it does not gain power over me. 

It is a constant defense.  For the battle is in our minds.  And if I am in a real physical battle, surrounded by the enemy, what happens if I put my guard down?  IM DEAD.  I'm stabbed in the back.  My throat is slit, and my fighting days are over. 

Do I want my fight for the 2017 Crossfit Open to be over with?  NO.  Abolutely not.  Even after a couple weeks of this walk I am on, I would be broken hearted and very disappointed in myself.  I would feel like a failure.  And I would be a failure if I just quit. 

So instead, I keep my defenses up.  The defenses of my mind.  The defenses of my emotions.  The defenses of my spirit. 

James 1:12 says, "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."

Clearly this verse in context is about everlasting life.  But there is also a principle here that is valid to this discussion.  The more I overcome mental battles, the stronger my mind also becomes.  And the longer that I remain steady in my thinking, steady in my approach, steady in my self image of who I am, then it will turn into concrete.  I am that person. 

I have been watching the behind the scenes to the Crossfit Games from last year.  This is Part 3, and I'm fairly certain they will publish a Part 4.  If I watch these videos and idolize these athletes, seeing them as untouchable, watching what they do as extraordinary, and FEELING THE EMOTION in my mind that I am nothing like them and I will never be like them, then watching these videos are DAMAGING to my mind. 

As I watch these videos, and if those self defeating thoughts enter my mind, and I feel the discouraging emotion try to take hold, I must take those thoughts captive.  I must pause the video, close my eyes, and allow my spirit to be in touch with the Holy Spirit, so that I may see in faith who I really am and who I am becoming.  Then watch the video from a different lense.  Not from idolization, but as my competitors.  And, as Sara Sigmundsdotter did, PRETEND I am among them.  See how I look with my shirt off.  Notice the sweat as I push.  Watch me go tirelessly with the barbell without breaking up the set.  VISUALIZE in FAITH. 

I will be there.  I will get there.  I am that person now.....in faith.  And I will continue to walk this thing out....each day.....getting stronger.....getting faster.....more disciplined.....eating perfectly......

THIS IS ME. 

Day 16 of my 2017 Crossfit Open Prep, how it's going so far, and doing dishes to keep the wife happy

Dan Bailey said in an interview with Julie Foucher that there's no magic recipe to make it to the Games.  It's just hard work and effort.  And sure, you need to know what you're doing in terms of programming, but it's about how much effort you put into it. 

I have committed to this mindset.  This year is different for me, because I am no longer switching back and forth between programmes.  I am no longer second guessing myself or researching other online coaching forums.  I know that Misfit Athletics knows their shit.  They are taking ordinary athletes and turning them into Games competitors.  To the point that I am paying for the membership to see their content. 

I am also splitting their daily regimen into an A.M. and P.M. workout.  It does help that I work out at home and have an incredible space.  That way it doesn't take away from family time.  And my wife has been super supportive of my goals.  She isn't making me feel guilty for going out to train.  Of course I've noticed she's good with my busy training schedule as long as I keep the kitchen clean, make breakfast for the family, and do the dishes.  Shit, I can basically do whatever I want as long as those things are taken care of for her!

Training is going very well so far.  Each week for me isn't perfect yet.  It's only been 2 full weeks, but each week I am getting stronger.  It's almost like I am figuring things out, like I am adjusting.  Taking on competitive programming certainly is a life adjustment! 

I am thinking of every single day, every single programming day as an opportunity to grow.  I want to be better today than I was yesterday.  I used to think that every week I want to be better.  Now I want to be better DAILY.  And why not?!  Even if the growth is technique.  Even if it is just confidence.  It takes a multitude of things going perfect for me to be at my best.  Technique and confidence impact fitness. 

Today I had split jerk 5x3.  I have been dreading split jerk because of the need to go from the rack and catch back in the rack.  It has been hurting my hands, and as I catch in the rack it slams on my left collar bone and bruises it and causes it to swell.  So when it had been coming up in the program, I've dreaded it.  Well today, I gained confidence.  Going deep in the split, and catching it back in the rack.  I only built up to 178# for my triples, which I know is super light.  But it was a technique day.  And now I actually want to go back home tonight and hit it again. 

So today.......fitter. 

I really don't want to miss an opportunity to grow.  I don't want to miss an opportunity to allow the piece in the daily regimen to make me better.  If I sandbag and do not elevate my intensity, then I should just go for a nice walk.  All I did was be active and healthy.  No help to my athletic performance goals.  I told one of my athletes yesterday that if her WOD time was 14:08, and she gave it her all, which I know she did, and an elite athlete did the workout with her at her pace and also finished at 14:08, but their intensity level was 30%, who gained something from the workout?  Her answer was it is a tie.  I told her that she gained.  She became stronger.  The elite athlete should have just stretched and went for a walk.  Active recovery.  Those that give 100% intensity gain.  Those that sand bag it just wasted time. 

One of the things I am struggling with is my diet.  I am eating almost on point up until the night time after dinner.  Then I'm resorting to an older defeatist mentality.  It's time to break it.  So I haven't lost any weight.  I'm still 20lbs over where I want to be. 

When I am down to around 180lbs, at least in the past, gymnastic movements like HSPU and muscle ups become much much easier.  I can link several together without much of a fuss.  When I started training a couple weeks ago I couldn't even get a single muscle up.  I was out of shape and way too heavy.  It is almost like I am wearing a 20lb training vest and attempting a muscle up.

Well now I am able to do ring and bar muscle ups, even with the weight.  I know the weight will come off.  But how much stronger will I be when I lose the weight and have become proficient with MU's at a heavier weight?!  It will only make me stronger! 

In the evening I put Muscle ups in the workout.  I was consistently able to get 1 at a time.  I know this isn't where I want to be.  But where I want to be is the accumulation of steps.  This is a step. 

On Training, Intensity, No need for 3-6 hour training days, and getting sprayed by a skunk last night

Looking back at yesterday....this is my grade....

Training.......B.......My A.M. session went great but I skipped the P.M.  And I think here's why:  I didn't have dinner prepared.  It's as simple as that.  That was the mental cue that caused decline.  I started the day perfect.  I trained in the A.M. had a great workout with good results.  I had my meals planned and ate perfectly all the way to dinner time.  Then I got home, I was tired, had no food in the house.  So I went to the store and got bad food.  My wife asked what I wanted to eat and I gave her awful responses. 

Nutrition......it was an A until dinner.....then it all hit the fan.....so Nutrition gets a D

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Chris Spealler says competitors who are hopeful in making it to the Games train 3-6 hours a day. 
I would love to spend 3 to 6 hours a day working out.  At the same time it is a process to get there.  Someone can't just jump into that much training when they weren't training hardly at all and expect to train with INTENSITY.  Intensity is the key.  If I puss out on a metcon, then what was the point?  All I am gaining from sand bagging a metcon is health.  Moving my body.  Being active.  Like taking a nice walk or going hiking.  Sure, it's good for me, but it doesn't radically improve my fitness levels.  Intensity takes a person to a whole new level with anything.  I must first be able to give myself consistent 'A' grades on everything I do in my hour and a half training before I double it, yet alone triple or quadruple. 

The other reason why athletes need to work out 3-6 hours a day, and I mean elite athletes, is when a person has reached the level they have, they have already exceeded 98% of their growth.  And they have to work pretty damn hard to gain an extra percent.  Me, however, I'm nowhere near my peak.  Therefore, I can make just as much gains right now with only training 5 days a week for an hour and a half.  I don't need to train 3-6 hours right now. 

Now then, as the Open gets closer and closer, and as I am peaking, there is certainly a case to be made to up the quantity.  And by then I will be able to handle the intensity with more, and plus, my family can handle me training more too, hopefully. 

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Last night, around 12:30 am, my Australian Cattledog, named Danger, was barking incessantly.  He wouldn't stop.  He's a great guard dog, so clearly he saw something outside.  If it was an animal it's no big  deal, but we've had intruders and robbers go around the neighborhood in the past.  So I decided to let him out back.  Now if he would have ran straight to the back of the backyard, then it most likely would have been an animal.  However, he b-lined it hard left to the fence gate, where the front yard is, and where my truck is parked.  When he did that I thought that for sure someone was going through my truck, so I hauled ass outside as well.

Instead, Danger went up to what looked like a black cat, who put its bushy tail straight up, and sprayed Danger right in the face!  I was only about 10 feet from the freaking skunk, so I got hit as well.  that suuuuuucks.  the smell is real people!

Scrubbing and baths later, I still smell.  I've had several comments at the office saying I freaking stink.

My dog betrayed my trust. 

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It does not matter that I am just now starting the competitive push.  It doesn't matter that I am 35 years old.  This is my time.  I have the ability to be my very best even now.  I have God's blessing.  I am fit.  This is my time.  I will find my 98%.  I will come to the edge of my possibilities and surpass them with God's help.